I have always struggled with self confidence, so it did not help when my first marriage I spent listening to my husband tell me who I was. I was called numerous things, including worthless. I didn’t know who I was, so after a while I started to believe that I was worthless.
My marriage was not good and was full of lies, yet I stayed because I was scared to leave. Scared because I had been told that I was worthless, no one would want to be with me, he was as good as I could get, and no one would hire me because I was a stay at home mom. Because I didn’t know my worth, I believed him and I stayed.
It was kind of like the chicken and the egg. I am not sure what came first, me figuring out who I was and getting strong enough to leave the marriage, or me leaving the marriage and figuring out who I was. Looking back I think it was a very long progress for me that included therapy, reading self help books, giving words power, and going to different classes and studies at Church.
When my husband, Gabriel, and I met he would say “God, please let Cheryl see herself the way that you see her” when he prayed. This was way before we even dated. I think I shook my head or tuned this out when he would say it, but he was consistent with that prayer. Slowly, I started to realize that God chose me and I don’t think he creates or chooses worthless people.
I started to remember who I had always been, even as a young child.
To find out who you are, you need to drop the nouns. If you say you are a wife, mother, and doctor, who are you if something happens to your husband, children, and you lose your job? You do not become an empty shell. You still have your core values. These words do not describe who you are, they tell what you do.
So, drop your nouns and find your adjectives.
By the way, my name is Cheryl and I am a loving, loyal, and caregiving woman.