We had been dating for four months and it was my birthday. He had told me that we were going to go out to a nice dinner and he would pick me up at 5pm. He didn’t show up until 7pm and he said he needed to stop at the grocery store. Odd, but ok, he was already 2 hours late and I had eaten a bowl of cocoa pebbles to tide me over while I was waiting for him to pick me up, so I was not starving.
I stayed in the car and waited. After a few minutes he walked out with some flowers. Y’all, he had not planned any dinner and did not get anything for me for my birthday. We lived in a town that rolled up the streets when the sun went down, so the only place to eat was a place doing karaoke. Not only should this have been a big red flag for things to come, but it also was the start of my dislike of receiving flowers.
Skip ahead 2 years and I am married (yes, to the no plan, last minute grocery store flower guy, with the big red flag flying in my face) and it is my birthday. I am the size of a blue whale and was due with my first child at any moment. It was almost the end of the day and as I was getting ready for bed, my husband had a look of a deer in headlights. He then asked “did you like the flowers I sent you”. I told him that I didn’t get any flowers. He then put on his best performance that would not win him an Oscar. He ranted about the florist not delivering them. That florist did not mess up. He never ordered them and had forgotten my birthday.
Then over the next 17 years the only time I would get flowers from him was when he had messed up. When I say messed up, I don’t mean he said something to hurt my feelings. The messed up where he had been with another woman, lied, or gambled away money. I really did not like these flowers. They represented something very bad to me.
I remember the first Valentine’s Day after my separation. Every lady was getting flowers at work and for some reason it made me sad. I never have figured out why, because I don’t like to get flowers at work and I never celebrated Valentine’s Day because my first son was born on February 14 and that day is all about him.
That night I remained sad, but the next day I stopped by the store and I bought some bright yellow flowers. They instantly brightened my mood and I loved treating myself. I am not great at receiving gifts, so it was never about getting a gift. It was about the lies that always came with these flowers and the lack of thoughtfulness.
10 years later and my now husband would buy me flowers everyday and had a hard time with not buying them for me. He has tried, but since he is a Psychologist he understands triggers and receiving flowers from a man was a definite trigger for me. There were no good memories from a man buying me flowers.
Flowers seem to make the house come alive and they make me smile. You will find fresh flowers in my house at most times, whether I pick them in the spring, get them from the cute flower truck in town, or pick some up at the grocery story. I buy these flowers, because I am worth it and they make me happy.
Don’t wait for someone to buy you flowers. Go buy your own flowers. You are worth it!