No matter how amicable a couple’s divorce may be, co-parenting after the split can still present challenges. From balancing schedules to managing different parenting styles, co-parents often have to learn how to communicate and work together for the sake of their children. That can be even more difficult if you don’t get along with your ex. If you’re facing the challenges of co-parenting after divorce, here are some tips to help you navigate this new landscape.
Learning To Heal After Divorce
It’s no secret that divorce is tough. It can be a time of immense sadness, anger, and stress.
But it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. You can thrive after divorce by rebuilding yourself and your life.
Inside Thriving After Divorce, I walk you through the six steps to rebuild your life, start anew, and, most importantly, how to heal after divorce, which is where successful co-parenting begins, even when you don’t get along.
Typically, when you don’t like someone or can’t get along, you cut ties with them. But when you share kids with this person, completely cutting them out of your life is not an option.
As you heal after divorce, it is important to remember that your child needs both of their parents. Co-parenting after divorce is not about you. It is about giving your child what they need.
10 Strategies To Navigate Difficult Co-Parenting After Divorce
1. Keep communication to a minimum. You will need to be able to discuss things like visitation schedules, drop-offs and pick-ups, extracurricular activities, doctor’s appointments, and more.
2. Text and email only. This will keep track of all communication between you and your ex. With written correspondence, not only will you have a record should you go back to court, but it will also minimize being tempted to be less than nice, knowing that it could be seen in court one day. When you type a text or email, a good trick to play is to pretend your child will read it. Never show your child the messages your ex sends.
3. Create a calendar. The court will give you a parenting plan. Write the dates down in a calendar or in your phone. This will cut down on confusion and be less communication you have to have with your ex.
4. Keep track of everything. Keep track of the money you have spent on your child and the money you have received from your ex. Also, keep a log of missed, switched, or canceled visitation dates. This will help you not need to “vent” to your ex or child about your frustrations. Write it down, close it, and forget about it. You will have it all organized should you have to go back to court one day.
5. Don’t talk to your ex about your marriage. You are divorced. It is time for you to rebuild your life and leave the toxicity in the past.
6. Don’t badmouth your ex. Just because you couldn’t be in a relationship with them doesn’t mean you should try to sabotage the relationship between them and your child. It is your job to support and encourage their relationship.
7. Put yourself in your ex’s shoes. Before you want to fly off the handle because when they pick up the kids every other Friday after school and take them to get ice cream and you are upset because they get ice cream and you think it is too much sugar, put yourself in their shoes. They see their child only every other weekend and try to make the most of their time together. Be happy they have a parent who loves them and be happy for the memories they are creating with their other parent.
8. Remember, there is more than one way to parent. You have your parenting style, and of course, you believe it is the right way to parent, but there is more than one way to parent. How your ex chooses to parent in their home is not your business and is out of your control. However, if you believe the child is in danger or being harmed at any time, call the police.
9. Focus on yourself. It is time to transition to being a single mom, heal, rebuild, and create a life you want to live. You are not at your best if you are not taking care of yourself, which means you are not the best parent you can be.
10. Shock the hell out of them. Want to see your child’s face light up and your ex’s jaw drop? Offer your ex an earlier pickup or return or even an extra night. When you do this, do it with sincerity for your child. Your child will see that you support their relationship with their other parent. If your ex declines, go on about your day and do not make a snarky comment or throw it back in their face later. You don’t know know why they weren’t able to. Also, when you do this, don’t expect anything in return. That defeats the purpose. This small gesture won’t change things between you and your ex overnight, but it is a small step in the right direction.
Choose Your Focus When Co-Parenting After Divorce
Co-parenting after divorce can be difficult, especially if you have a lot of unresolved anger and resentment. It’s important to remember that while co-parenting is between you and your ex, it’s really all about your child. Try to set your emotions aside and focus on what’s best for your child. They need both parents in their life, so it’s important to try to work together as much as possible. Putting your child’s needs first will help them thrive, even in the midst of a difficult situation.
In Closing: Get The Support You Need To Thrive
After a divorce, it is natural to feel a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, relief, and guilt. It can be difficult to cope with these emotions and adjust to the changes in your life. However, there are things you can do to help yourself heal after divorce. Give yourself time to grieve. It is normal to feel sad and discouraged after the end of a relationship.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek additional resources. As someone who has been in your shoes, I understand the challenges you face better than anyone, which is why I am here to support you every step of the way. Inside my self-paced course, you’ll find practical advice packaged with open, honest communication because I truly care about helping you thrive after divorce. Learn more about THRIVING AFTER DIVORCE.
