To find healing after a divorce, especially if the marriage was toxic and the divorce was not amicable, healing will take time and work.  Here, I’ll share 10 steps to find healing following a divorce. Each one of these is a very important step in your road to healing and your second chance path. 

10 Steps To Find Healing

1 – Forgiveness

You will need to forgive and let go of the pain that is holding you down.  Who and what you need to forgive will be different for everyone.  You may even need to forgive yourself.  My product, Road to Forgiveness will teach you how to forgive in FIVE steps and let go of the pain that is holding you down. Remember, not forgiving is like drinking the poison and waiting for the other person to die. 

Forgiveness is about you and not about condoning their behavior or actions. 

2 – Grieve

Even if the divorce was something you wanted, you will hit a period of grief, the loss of being part of a couple, the loss of a dream.  With grieving can come loneliness, anger, denial, and lots of tears.  Allow yourself to grieve.

3 – Continue with therapy or group counseling.

Your family and friends are a great support system, but can only do so much.  They are not professionals.  Calling your friends and family to bash your ex-spouse is not productive in your healing. This is about moving forward.  Looking for someone to talk with? My complimentary workbook provides guidance on who to trust and who you can talk with throughout the divorce process.

4 – Discover who you truly are

We easily define ourselves by what we have, but those things can be stripped from us and we need to know who we truly are at the core, no matter who or what is removed from our life. Once you know you are at the core, no one can tell you any differently or make you feel any differently. This is a key foundation in finding healing after divorce.

5 – Declutter

Get organized and remove some items that remind you of your past, so that you do not look at these reminders daily.  If you have children, do not try to erase everything, but limit these things.  For me, I put pictures of my ex and me together in my kids’ space, if they wanted them, but I was not seeing them every second of the day.  

6 – Keep busy

One of the best ways to find healing I’ve found is to stay busy. In other words, get involved with your child’s activities, get involved with your church, work, or learn a new craft or hobby, When is the last time you did something for the first time?  

7 – Stop thinking about your ex

Stop thinking about what your ex is doing. Don’t look at his social media and quit thinking about what you could have done differently.  If you have children together you will have to create a new relationship together, which is that of co-parents. 

8 – Practice the 5 steps to Mental Well Being 

Physical activity, proper water intake, and a healthy diet, as well as, proper sleep, doing things you enjoy doing, surrounding yourself with people you love who love you back,  are a must for keeping a healthy mind and body.  Without it, depression can easily sneak up.

9 – Don’t play therapist to your children

You are not a professional and your emotions are raw. Oftentimes, hearing some of the things they say about their other parent may hurt.  Just as I believe you should talk to a professional, so should your children.  Allow your children to find healing as well. Just because your relationship did not work with your ex, it is not your job to sabotage their relationship with their other parent.  

10 – Time

When you have a wound, usually a scar is left, but the pain is gone…unless poked at.  My first marriage is 10 years in the past and I am in a wonderful marriage now. However, if something triggers me, I can easily bring up the feeling I had when I found out about the affairs in my first marriage.  Don’t bring someone else into your life until you have fully healed, discovered who you are, and are truly living a fulfilled life.  No one else can bring this to you.  They can enhance it, but you have to find it on your own first.  There is no magic timeframe.  

Preparing For Your Future

In conclusion, this is your time to learn from the past, focus on the present and prepare for the future.  You can find healing.

After surviving 20 years inside an unhealthy marriage, I’m not hiding in fear but living in freedom and power. My Forging Your Way Through A Fearless Divorce Signature Course will start to champion you to take the appropriate action toward finding healing. As a result, giving you the confidence to prepare for your future and all that is to come.

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