When you google “divorce” you will find multiple sites telling you about the divorce process, but most of those sites stop once the judge bangs his gavel and declares you divorces.  In this article, I will share the truth behind the divorce aftermath so that you can be better prepared to face the experiences ahead.

The Truth Behind the Divorce Aftermath

You deserve to know about the aftermath of your divorce.  Here are some things you may experience as you move forward following a divorce.

  • Loss of friends: You may have friends that “choose sides” or the dynamics change.  You may have had a couple of friends you did things with and being single now throws off the balance and you stop getting invited. Some friends may think they are being kind. They may not be inviting you because they know your finances are now tight or you don’t have a babysitter, for instance
  • Finances: You are no longer a two-income household or maybe you were a stay at home mom/wife and have to go back into the workforce
  • Living arrangement: You may have to sell your home or find a new place to live.
  • Coparenting: If you were not good together, you will have to reach deep and both throw your egos to the side to be the best parents together for your kid(s).  Accept that you will not parent the same.  
  • Ex is now dating: You will at some point see your ex with another person, as a result, it may bring up emotions that you didn’t expect. 

Emotional Experiences

  • Anxiety or depression: You may have felt that you weren’t good enough or did something to cause the divorce. As a result of the divorce, you may also worry that you will never be loved again.

“The process itself is hard enough, so by the time it’s over and you’re left to deal with the aftermath, you can feel incredibly drained emotionally.”

  • Guilt: You may feel guilt that your children are now from a broken home. You may also experience guilt at how free and happy you feel, as a result of not having that person in your life anymore.
  • Shame:  Society can beat you down for getting a divorce.  “Marriage is not for the weak”, “Have you tried everything”, “God does not like divorce”.  No one was behind closed doors with you and should not have an opinion.  Know who you are and be confident.  Divorce is hard enough, so let’s not add blame to the mix.  

Other Things You May Experience In The Divorce Aftermath

  • Missing your kids:  The first time your kids go stay with your ex is excruciating.  
  • Trust:  If trust was an issue in your marriage, trusting again may be a slow process
  • Dating:  If you have not taken the time to heal, you may repeat the same patterns from your marriage.  If it is the right time to date, take it slow and remember they are not your ex. Do not judge them by your ex’s mistakes.  
  • Holidays:  Every single holiday can sting, even ones you never celebrated.  I never did and still do not live on Valentine’s Day. However, the first one after my divorce made me feel like the last single woman on the planet.
  • Loss of family:  You not only lose a spouse, but also the family that comes with them.  This may be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the relationships you have created with them.  You may try to stay involved in each other’s lives. However, slowly as other people come into your or your ex’s lives, your contact with extended ex-family will lessen.  
  • Self-esteem:  If you struggled with low self-esteem during your marriage it will be an even bigger struggle for you.  If you have never struggled with low self-esteem, you may struggle now. 
  • Triggers:  You will be going through life and moving past your divorce and out of nowhere, something can trigger you and bring up emotions from your marriage.  This can happen months and even years after your divorce. 

Focus On The Positive

The aftermath seems so negative and a little daunting, but think of the positive aftermath. What is that positive? You are free to forge your second chance path and live the life you were meant to live.  In my Forging Your Way Through A Fearless Divorce Course, I give you steps to move forward with a divorce, including living in the aftermath.

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