Divorce is tough. No two ways about it. Not only do you have to deal with the pain of the breakup, but you also have to deal with the logistical nightmare of untangling your life from your former spouse. And on top of all that, you have to try to figure out how to get your life back on track. It’s no wonder that so many people make mistakes after their divorce. Here are three of the most common mistakes people make.
After The Divorce
Exhausted, relieved, and scared are three of the top feelings you may feel when the judge finally declares you no longer married. After taking a breather from the divorce process, you will start feeling excited. While a fresh start may still scare you, it also is exciting.
Just as important as the steps you need to take after your divorce to heal, get your life back on track, and rebuild your life, there are three mistakes you don’t want to make.
Mistake #1 Keep Up With Your Ex
You don’t want to make is giving a shit about what your ex is doing. You are no longer part of a couple with this person. Your ex is from the last chapter, and you have turned the page to start a new chapter. Who they date is none of your concern. You will be tempted to listen when friends tell you about what he is doing or where they have seen him. Let your friends know you don’t care to hear about what he is doing. Block your ex and his friends on social media to remove the temptation to stalk.
Not caring about what your ex is doing after divorce also means you shouldn’t be critical of your ex’s parenting style. Unless your child is being physically harmed, you can not get involved in your ex’s parenting. You are going to disagree with your ex. You probably clashed during your marriage. Getting bent out of shape, confronting your ex, venting to your friends, or expressing your concerns to your child will not change things. Just because they don’t parent the same way you do, does not mean their way is wrong. Inside my Rebuilding Your Life: A 7-Day Guide For Struggling Single Moms, we explore the idea of getting rid of things that don’t matter and making space for things that do. Grab your copy HERE!
Mistake #2 Listen To What You “Should Do.”
You don’t want to make is listening to what your friends and family tell you to do. If their sentence starts with “what I would do” or “here’s what you should do,” stop listening. Most mean well, and some want the “dirt.” Surround yourself with people who love you, care about you, and support your decisions. Your family and friends can not be your therapist and are not trained in how to help you. This is your journey. Find someone from your inner circle who is removed from your personal life to vent to and help guide you. Therapists, church clergy, and other professionals are trained to listen and guide you, not tell you what to do. It is easy for your friends and family to tell you what you should do, but they are not living your life and don’t have to suffer the consequences.
Your divorce won’t be the entire story of your life. You still get to write a happy ending.
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Mistake #3 Don’t Start Dating Too Soon After Divorce
You don’t want to make is to start dating too soon. The thought of dating again may excite you, or you are making mistake #2 and listening to your friends and family tell you that you need to “get back out there and date.” Don’t jump into the dating pool and not a relationship until you have taken time to heal correctly, discovered who you are outside of a relationship, know what you want your life to look like, and can support yourself financially. Being in a relationship before you have done these things causes a greater risk of repeating the same mistakes you made in your marriage or getting in a relationship based solely on financial support.
Recap: Your Second Chance
Divorce has given you a fresh start, so you don’t want to start by making mistakes. This is a time for you to focus on yourself and build a new life that you can be happy with. If you can avoid these three mistakes, you’ll be well on your way to healing after divorce.
Whether you’re newly divorced or have been single for years, inside my Second Chances app, I offer invaluable tips on everything from dating to finances. So ditch your old life and start thriving! Download the FREE app today!
